I do better on a routine. When I don't have a routine I tend to do a lot of nothing. Not because I'm lazy, but because I procrastinate. If I don't have a time schedule, I find myself wasting a lot of time, instead of using it to get things done and then I slip into a pity party or worse, I get angry. I work best when I am in a time crunch. Now that may sound crazy scary to someone who has their daily-weekly-monthly schedule all neatly written out in their planners. Give me 45 minutes before a party and I'm doing my best work, wrapping and designing something unique and special. If I have 4 days - nothing. Give me 15 minutes before we have to leave and I'm pickin my best outfit and creating a new hairdo - 5 days - nothing.
When I have a routine like during the school year, that works great for me. I know what I'm doing from 6:30-8:30 am and again from 2:30-3:30 pm. I know that between those times I have to get certain things done. Things that I can't do when kids are around. I know what my time periods are. I know what to expect. I love summer, but it's too much free time for me. I need routine to survive.
Thoughts while sitting on my back porch..
I thought..
I thought there would be more. I thought, there would be more. I thought there would be more.
More to do, more to feel, more highs, more fun, just more, more, more.
But I don't think there is. I think I have reached the peak and there is only down now. Not fast like a skier, but slowly, slowly, like a leaf twirling round and round, descending from its home in a tree which is turning from being alive with color and beauty, to its winter emptyness.
There will be no more. No more excitement, no more new loves, no more surprises (at least not that I desire), just, no more.
Life - I have always enjoyed the unexpected, rolled with the punches, embraced challenges, rose to the occasion, all the tag lines that encourage us to come back for more. But I really think this is it. No I'm not dying - well at least not at this moment - but "life" is. I can see the life that is now set before me. This is it. No more fun.
More to do, more to feel, more highs, more fun, just more, more, more.
But I don't think there is. I think I have reached the peak and there is only down now. Not fast like a skier, but slowly, slowly, like a leaf twirling round and round, descending from its home in a tree which is turning from being alive with color and beauty, to its winter emptyness.
There will be no more. No more excitement, no more new loves, no more surprises (at least not that I desire), just, no more.
Life - I have always enjoyed the unexpected, rolled with the punches, embraced challenges, rose to the occasion, all the tag lines that encourage us to come back for more. But I really think this is it. No I'm not dying - well at least not at this moment - but "life" is. I can see the life that is now set before me. This is it. No more fun.
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- What can I say, I am me, who thinks about life a lot, who can breath better in open spaces and who likes to dream on my back porch.
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